The Power of “Too Much”

Christine: Hi and welcome back to Leadwell, and today I'm talking with someone who brings a fresh and honest perspective to creative growth. Amandine de Gaspari. Hi Amandine. Hello, hello, Christine. Amandine: So your story really is very powerful and personal. And the other thing I found out about you is that you started in luxury retail in France. I did, yes. Christine: And then you discovered your neuro neurodivergence. We can talk about that a bit as well. And today. You run a purpose-led coaching practice, all about helping people get more creative or helping those who consider themselves creatives to have a better life. So yeah. Let's, let's look into what you have to share with the world and what we can all learn from you.

So what: is one piece of advice that you secretly wish people would stop giving people about their creativity? Amandine: Oh, duh. That's a very good one. That they have to try to cater to the world when they're being created. Whenever there's start, they try to make a living out of it and they're like, oh, who is your target audience? Who are you trying to reach? And they kind of cater the art they're making to this specific type of people. And they also say that to us coaches.

They're like, you need to find a niche and you need to find... and I'm like, why? Creativity is supposed to be without boundaries. It's supposed to let your soul tell you whatever it wants to do. You're not supposed to try to direct it at all costs. So I really hope people will just: make the art. It doesn't even have to be good. Just make it. Christine: So the purpose is more to satisfy my own wants and needs rather than trying to satisfy someone else's. Amandine: Well, yeah, because that's the way the people who can actually relate to you, to the true you will find you. And you see, you see that with many, many artists that are well known. Actually yesterday I saw a documentary about Tim Burden. And I absolutely adore his work. It's very specific. You can recognize his work out of Christine: what? What's he doing? Sorry? I'm Amandine: Tim Burton is the filmmaker. Oh, okay. And you can, it's, it, you can you see a movie made by him and you know it's made by him. It's the coloring, the costumes, the, the, the way he tells the story.

It's very, very specific. And the ones that didn't work. It's because he tried, well, the studios made him try to be mainstream: and do the work the way they wanted him to do. And you can tell the difference. And it's true for a very big film filmmaker like him, it's true for everyone. People will relate to things that are really close to your heart and to your soul, and not to what you think they might want. Christine: Also, because that is what makes us different. Is it, I mean, if I try to do what others do, then that doesn't make me particularly unique. Amandine: Absolutely not. And even if a lot of people around you are saying to me, oh, are you sure? Oh, you really wanna try it that way? Or, oh God, this is too much. You are too much. Why are you doing that? That's another thing that I hate when people tell you you're too much of something.

It always reminds me of, I think it's in Alice in Wonderland. the Mad Hatter tells Alice that she has: lost her muchness. That she used to be much more. And I love that. Find it again. This is what we need. We don't need everybody to be the same, to do the same, to have this very polished way of doing things. No, be messy, be creative. Go for it completely. This is how you find your voice. This is how you find yourself. Christine: So what does, or how is creativity showing for you? Amandine: For me, it's, I love writing. I have to write, I write every single morning, so it's, I journal in the morning and I write creatively other times of the week. I used to love writing horror stories. I, I'm a big fan of everything. It's Halloween and horror stories, so you could see that in my writing very, very much.

For month on end, I could only write very scary stories about people being stabbed and getting vengeance and that kind of, yeah, it was, it was dark. And see now I know that I was processing: something. Christine: Yeah. Amandine: So you need to let it out. Also, I, I write, I love taking photos. Photography is a big thing as well. I love just walking around with my camera and it's actually one of my biggest advice for people who feel kinda. Like in a rut creatively. I'm like, just go for a walk with your phone. We all have cameras on us all the time now. Go for a walk and find at least one thing that inspires you. One beautiful thing. That's it, and it just sparks something inside of you again. It like, it ignites something inside of you again. Christine: Yeah. I, I'm, I totally get that. I, I also love to take pictures and it's not, 'cause I'm, I don't consider myself a photographer because I'm not spending hours and hours to find the right motive and to kind of get everything set up.

I just walk around and then, oh, there is a flower. Yes, let's take that. Or there's a nice sunset, let's,: let's take that picture. Amandine: Here's the thing, you're taking photos. You are a photographer. You don't have to be making money out of it to be one. You are writing every day. Even if you're not sharing, you're writing with everyone. You are a writer. Christine: I love that. So that's your, your, it changes or creates a personality. We, we have to write to say I'm a photographer. If I take pictures, I probably am. Amandine: You are? Yes. It's part of your identity. You're not only that. Yeah. But it is part of you. It makes you feel good and it sparks something in you. So it is part of you. So you are a photographer or you are a writer, or you are a performer or whatever. It doesn't need to be official for it to be true. Christine: And so what does it do to us? What does it help us to? I don't know. I mean, you said you, you processed probably some, Amandine: you process everything, like realizing that these things are part of you.

Help you reconnect to yourself, to all: the parts of yourself that sometimes you forget. And it helps you honestly sometimes just deal with day-to-day life. If you have a nine to five job that you hate, for example, but every weekend you go out for a walk to take photos, or you decide to paint or whatever. This is part of you. You're not only defined by what you spend most of your time doing. And it can be very helpful to feel good in your day-to-day life. To remember that. Christine: So you're saying become a creative to better live your life or to better... Amandine: I think creativity is life is life. I think everything around us.

Was created by nature or by humans, it's, it's all sparked from something that didn't exist to begin with. And I think COVID showed us that creativity is like at the core of what we need. Because when we were stripped of everything else, we were left with only art to: consume. And I think it kind of reminded a lot of us that, yeah, at the core of who we are as, as human beings, we're not made to just go to work and make money and save for a two week vacation once a year. We were made to create. Whatever we wanna create. We were made to express something. And I think it's very important, especially nowadays with the way the world is turning and the very scary news we have all the time to go back to this, this core pleasure that we have inside of us. Christine: Now coaching and, and, and your work is all about transformation, so what is something that you're still working on yourself? Amandine: Imposter syndrome. That's a big, that's a big one for a lot of people. I mean, we all have imposter syndrome. I've watched so many documentaries about big names and all that.

No one will tell you that they never had: any doubts about the right to be where they are doing what they're doing. It's, it's there. It is just, and society right now doesn't help. You have to find your tribe. You have to find the people that will support you and encourage you and push you to make yourself known for the things you love to do, instead of just telling you, you're taking too much space, or, you're taking, yeah, we hear that side too much. Christine: Yeah. I mean, to be honest, I do believe that a bit of humbleness and a bit of questioning ourselves is also... Amandine: It's good. It's good you have, I'm not saying you don't have to be humble, but imposter syndrome is really

my God. it'd be crippling. And sometimes you, it will block you so much that you can't even write a word or put the brush on the canvas or, you know, so it's finding a balance. Of course. Yeah.: Being humble is important and... or you, I mean, you can't acknowledge the fact that you have succeeded in something. You can be like, I'm proud of myself. Yeah. I accomplished that. That's, that's good. Yeah. Whatever you do, you have to have that for yourself. But yeah, imposter syndrome is, it's tricky. It's coming from so many different places inside of us, outside of us. It can be really hard to get over. Christine: Yeah. And I think we all know our inner critics. So if you had a name and the wardrobe, what would it be? Amandine: Honestly, I've decided to name my inner critic. I gave it a name. I gave it a name, so I gave it the name of a character from a TV series I hate. So that way when it starts nagging me too much, I can really just say it just.

So I named it Ross from France. 'cause I really cannot stand him. And then I'm like, Ross,: shut up. It. It's like the best way I found to just deal with this nagging presence in my head. This I'm like, it's not me. I'm not talking to myself, myself. Christine: I think that's the most important realization. So what I tend to do, and I tend to tell my clients, is to just think about it's not your inner critic. It's not sitting in there, but let's let him sit on your shoulder. And so whenever it kind of gets too disturbing. Then I just say, well, you can sit over there. I'll, I'll pick you up later, but not now. Amandine: The room. That's a good point as well. I need to try that. For me, naming it was really, really good. Giving it a name, give it not more consistency, but more distance. It's easier to. Give that space that you say when you put Christine: So it's not, it's not you, it's someone, it's something else.

Amandine Something else. It's a combination of outside critics and things: you've heard when you were a kid and things that are not true. And it's also your, actually, you sometimes it's your own brain trying to keep you safe. Because you're entering a known territory. And your, your brain's first purpose is to keep you safe at all times. And sometimes it doesn't realize that you don't have to protect me from this. You don't. This is good scary. Christine: It's it, because it changed. I mean, I, I love the approach of, positive intelligence says that it's, those, they, they call 'em saboteurs and that we, we, at the, as a child it helped us survive because it helped us explain the world and, and make sure that we found our way around. But now, as an adult, we can just act differently and they're, they're no longer helpful. They're like false friends. They pretend to help, but then they're not really helpful Amandine: and it's so ingrained in your mind sometimes.

It's so difficult to have new pathways in, in your brain to try to do things a different way. To: think a different way. You have to be very conscious. When the saboteur is here and is talking badly to you, and you have to literally pause and be be very conscious about the way you think. And not just let it run in the background. 'cause if you let it run in the background all the time, you don't really pay attention. But then you have to be but that's not true. Yeah. I will, and then try even to remember things that will prove to your brain that it is not true. You do have proof that it is not true. It's just, it's, it's pushing it aside saying, no, no, no, that didn't happen. Yes, it did. Yes, I did this. Yes, I overcame this. This is the truth. This is the proof. And it's not the same situation anyway. It's very difficult. Christine: Yeah, it is. But it's, it's a matter of practice. I think it's, it's simple. It's just a matter of practice. We have to practice it. Amandine: Simple and easy are two separate things. Yeah. Things can be very simple, but not easy to put in place.

Christine Yeah.: Yeah. Now talking about your brain, you mentioned that you're neurodiverse, so what, what does this, are you open to talk about that? Amandine: Absolutely. like many women, I discovered that I am neurodivergent very late in my life. I was 35 when I discovered it, and funny enough, TikTok made me realize that I was neuro divergent. So at some point they had this kind of, I don't wanna say challenge, it was a trend where they were you put 10 fingers up. And every time I say something, if you do it, you put one finger finger down, you know? And then you were left with, I don't know, between 10 and zero fingers up. And it was like, oh, do you overthink when you go to bed, do you have a tendency to hit the walls when you walk? Do you do this and that, and blah, blah, blah. And I always had between six and nine fingers down. Every single time.

And every single time the answer of the person was like, well, you probably have ADHD. And I was: like, nah. At the, at the beginning I was like. And then it happened again and again, and again and again. And I started thinking, I started well, I cannot motivate myself. Until it's very urgent, I need the urgency to work. okay. I get my best ideas in the middle of the night. I need my outside world to be very, very clean. 'cause the inside is it's I have 25 Google things open at the same time in my head all the time. But I thought everybody had that. It turns out they don't. And so I started searching, I started researching ADHD in women and I was like, oh damn, okay.

And at the time I was seeing a therapist, 'cause I had PTSD and I said, Hey, by the way, I think I have ADHD. And she literally told me, oh yeah, I thought you knew. Okay. I was like, well, obviously I didn't. Oh, so for her it was like super obvious. Yeah.: And for me it was like this big revelation. Oh. And people were are like, oh, why do you need the label? I'm like, well, it's like you are a zebra in the middle of horses, and suddenly you realize that you're not a horse, that you're a zebra, and there are all the zebras. There are all the people like you. And you're like, oh my God, I'm not alone. Yeah. I'm not alone to think that. I'm not lazy, I need the urgency. I'm not always depressed. I have this inner critic. That's when you are ADHD women. It's like super active all the time. I was like, oh, so it's not me. It's literally my brain working against me. It was like, oh, kind of like a big, okay, I understand now. Feeling less alone and feeling like you understand what's happening to you. Makes everything way easier to deal with. And are you, are you Christine: taking any medication for it or are you just...

Amandine no, 'cause you need to go through an actual: diagnosis Amandine: By a psychiatrist to do that. And mine was not like, that was not what we were doing at the time. I'm actually looking to do that now 'cause symptoms. Get harder to, deal with as you grow older. And I've been feeling kind of like, I've been feeling the difference, but over the past year, like it's been, it's been getting worse. Not worse, but more difficult to manage. 'cause I've masked for so long that I was like, oh, so I can manage it. I've been managing it without knowing it for all my life. but now I kind of feel the need to get a little more help. Whether it will be medication or just starting therapy again and finding new ways of dealing with things. but yeah. I think it's good to talk about it to a professional.

And see where it can really help you. I, I will not... if I had the choice between being neurodivergent or being neurotypical, I would not: want to be neurotypical. I actually love that I'm neurodivergent. 'Cause I think about every details and every situation and of every possibility. And I think most very creative people are neurodivergent and I love that. But sometimes you need just a little bit more help to manage things. Christine: Yeah, and I mean, I also find that once you know that you're neuro divergent and I am in a different type of way, and as you said, you find people that are like you. It's so revealing. I, when we have a conversation amongst each other, it's like, oh, yeah, now I feel completely normal. When you feel seen. Yeah. Seen and, and just, you can't just behave as yourself. And it's so, it's so different. Amandine: I, so my best friend, I'm not sure she has ADHD 'cause we haven't really... but we have the say so many times we have the same needs at the same time. I'm like, oh.

Thank you. You understand?: And suddenly, when you are with people who kind of work the same way you do in your head and you don't need to make that extra effort, effort, you can relax and actually enjoy the company of the other person in such a more meaningful way. Christine: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. That's very similar then. Wow. I'm interested in is you are, you used to work for the luxury fashion? Yes. I Or in the luxury fashion industry. And now you're doing coaching. What is the one thing that stayed the same in both worlds where you would not Have expected it?

Amandine Huh? I think for me, I didn't realize it at the time, but what I was, what I really loved in all those luxury brands and everything was the creativity that went with it. Like all the fashion shows and all the new collections and learning: every year what inspired what collection? 'cause you need to use that for marketing, you need to use that for sales, you need use that in every single... and it's a very creative industry. I end up not. Liking the industry itself. Because sometimes it takes itself a bit too seriously for my taste. I remember one of my managers one day, she was kind of questioning her whole, her whole life and she told me, you know, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I'm like, I'm just selling clothes. I'm yeah, you're not curing cancer. You just literally this is a new collection about bathing suit and Knickers and it's not, but a lot of it is,

I think luxury brands and coaching have this, trying to find the emotional. There's a lot of emotion, that they try to attach to the, to what they sell, because that's why they want you to pay so: much for it. It's, there's quality on certain things, but mo most of it, it's not. And I mean, let's, let's face it. And so there, there's a very emotional part of, in the work that you find, again, when you coaching. So to our point of having, having a tribe, I think they're also creating a tribe for people who do not have one or who have not found theirs naturally, aren't they? They're trying to, yeah. Each brand has its own

spirit as its own soul. So I think people try to be part of this tribe because they like the, the values that they see with it. I mean, when they're regular customers and it's not just the trend of the new bag or the new thing and it's yeah. I: really think a lot of first time consumers of luxury brands just haven't really found their creative side yet, and they're trying to find it in what they buy. It's their way of grasping at something they don't know how to reach inside of them. Christine: And also a bit of self-worth, I think, to the point of Amandine: probably yes. I think that's when you find, when you express yourself and your creativity, that's how you find yourself worth outside of material things. But that's just my point of view. Christine: Now, my last question to you is, when was the last time you totally surprised yourself? Amandine: Oh, wow. In a good and bad way. Totally surprised myself.

That's a very difficult one because I try to get out of my comfort zone so often. It's one of my, one of the pillars of how I live is get out of your comfort zone. Get out of your comfort zone. Okay. I can: tell you what is the most surprising thing I've ever done. And then when it, I realized what I was do doing, I was oh my God. Years ago. Years ago, on the whim, I decided to move to LA. I literally just rented a place through the internet, bought a plane ticket, and just decided to go. That. Oh, not knowing anybody, being I'm just gonna go there and find a job. That's, that's not how it works. It's not how things are done, but I was oh, I'm gonna do it. And I was, I stopped in Florida first 'cause I had some friends over there and I think it was about 24 hours before I was supposed to take my plane to LA I was walking with a friend and suddenly I stopped walking. She was what's happening? I'm I'm moving to LA tomorrow. She's yes you are. I'm I don't know anywhere there.

I'm so like, no, you don't. I'm like, I, I, I rented a place where I'm: gonna have roommates and everything, and I don't know anyone. I, I'm scared. I'm suddenly very scared. It just, and by that time I was not scared. I was just like, oh, I'm going, I'm going. I'm fine. Literally, I think 24 hours to the hour before the flight, I just like, what the heck am I doing? Why, why? And then I arrived there and I remembered why. I saw the Hollywood sign and I was like, oh, that's why. 'cause I love movies. I wanna make movies. I wanna, I want to find a creative way to be part of that world. And 'cause I was fascinated by it. And I was like, well, the place to go is LA if you're fascinated by movies, you go, right. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's why. Okay. When I saw the Hollywood sign, I was like, oh, I remember. Okay. But the, the, I scared myself very, very much. Those 24 hours before the flight were the scariest of my life.

Christine Wow. Wow. That's,: but then how did it turn out? Amandine: It was fantastic. I met my best friend there. and we ended up, that's when I really started to write. I was writing every single day. 'cause I was there for this, I was, I was giving my all to be I'm, I want to be this creative person and I'm gonna be, I came here for that. So, and I got inspired by the city and the energy of it. And I was surrounded by people who were in the same energy as me. I had a little tribe there Where people were there to, to make movies and or to be actors or to be performers and this. It was very, very energizing and very inspiring and it was fantastic. I wish I could have stayed. Christine: So if you could leave, our listeners with one piece of advice, what would it be?

Amandine Don't stop yourself on the accounts that you're not very good to begin with. Nobody is good when they begin with, unless your a prodigee. But most people make: beautiful heart and amazing art after trying out and after doing very crappy things to begin with. And it's okay. We all start somewhere. Just find the joy. Find, yeah. I think that's it. Find the joy. That's, that's where everything will stems from. Everything will grow from that. If you find the joy in the process In the making of the thing, then the rest will follow. Christine: Wow, that's wonderful. And it was a big joy to talk with you. Thank you.

Amandine So it was wonderful talking with you. And where can people find you? So you can find me on Substack under the name of the Tale, Taylor's Nook. 'cause this is the space where, I really try to get all the creatives from writers to performers to find the voice again and feel seen and: rediscover the joy of their art again. So I've created this space, on Substack. You can also find me on Patreon under the same name and you can find me under Amandine de Gaspari on Instagram. Okay. Okay, wonderful. And I'm my photography on Instagram. That's the only place I share it. Christine: Ah, okay. So I'm very sure that you'll have more followers from now on. Amandine: I hope so. If you liked like this discussion that we had that was very interesting. This is just a snippet of my craziness. Christine: Yeah. Amandine: Welcome Christine: personality. So thank you so much again, and uh, Amandine: thank you for having me. Christine: Absolutely. Thank you.