AI and Coaching: What Clients Value Beyond Answers

00:00:00: I don't feel that AI is replacing me as a coach at the moment, but when I

00:00:05: look at how often I still ask other experts for help, I realize that I

00:00:11: am already part of the change that other people might be worried about.

00:00:16: Hi, and welcome to Lead Well!.

00:00:22: I used to go to an expert when something needed fixing.

00:00:26: I would take it somewhere, ask someone who knew what they were

00:00:29: doing, and rely on their expertise.

00:00:33: These days, quite often, I ask AI first.

00:00:36: It gives me a step-by-step explanation.

00:00:38: I can ask another question if I don't understand something, and

00:00:42: sometimes I manage to do it myself.

00:00:45: So I use fewer services than I used to, and from my side, that's useful.

00:00:50: I learn something, I can do more on my own, and I don't always have to find

00:00:55: someone and arrange an appointment.

00:00:57: But the person I would have asked before doesn't get that request anymore.

00:01:02: That made me think about what happens when something you spent years learning

00:01:07: becomes something other people can get help with almost immediately.

00:01:12: You might still be very good at it.

00:01:14: Your experience hasn't disappeared,

00:01:16: but people may no longer need you for it as often as they did before.

00:01:21: And I think that can be quite unsettling because being good at

00:01:24: something often means much more to us than having a particular skill.

00:01:29: People ask for your opinion.

00:01:31: They trust you with a problem.

00:01:33: They recommend you to someone else, and over the years, you get used

00:01:37: to being the person who knows how to deal with that particular thing.

00:01:43: It becomes part of how other people see you and probably part

00:01:46: of how you see yourself as well.

00:01:49: Of course, there is also the practical side.

00:01:52: If people stop asking for your help, that may affect your income.

00:01:56: That's a real concern, and telling someone to be more open-minded about

00:02:01: technology doesn't make it go away.

00:02:05: But there can be another question underneath it.

00:02:08: If this is what people have always needed me for, who am I

00:02:13: when they don't need it anymore?

00:02:16: I can imagine that we respond to that in different ways.

00:02:19: We might dismiss AI and keep pointing out everything it gets wrong.

00:02:24: We might go in the other direction and try every new tool because

00:02:28: we're afraid of missing something.

00:02:30: Or we might use it, find it helpful, and still feel uncomfortable about

00:02:36: what that means for our own work.

00:02:39: Sometimes skepticism is completely justified, and sometimes

00:02:44: enthusiasm is simply curiosity.

00:02:47: But I think it's useful to ask ourselves what else might be going on.

00:02:52: Am I looking at what this tool can actually do, or am I also trying to

00:02:57: protect something that matters to me?

00:03:00: For me, this becomes particularly interesting when I think about coaching,

00:03:05: because people can now have quite detailed conversations with AI about things

00:03:10: they used to bring to another person.

00:03:13: And I do that myself,

00:03:14: I use a tool called Purpose, mostly at 2:00 in the morning when I can't sleep.

00:03:19: I start discussing whatever is on my mind, and sometimes what

00:03:22: comes back helps me understand something or look at it differently.

00:03:27: So I wouldn't say that those conversations are useless.

00:03:31: They have helped me with the content of what I was thinking about.

00:03:35: But I have to be honest, for me, they never have replaced a

00:03:39: conversation with another person, not even a written exchange.

00:03:44: There are so many little nuances in a conversation with someone else,

00:03:48: and I haven't found those in the same way in my exchanges with this tool.

00:03:53: And this is a very specialized tool.

00:03:56: It's a tool that has been designed to be more of a coaching therapeutic tool.

00:04:02: So that is my experience.

00:04:04: Someone else may feel very differently and find a chatbot easier to talk to.

00:04:09: I can understand the appeal of having something available whenever you need it,

00:04:14: especially in the middle of the night.

00:04:16: But for me, having a useful response and feeling that I have been in contact with

00:04:22: another person are different experiences

00:04:25: When clients choose to work with me, they often tell me that they

00:04:28: find me approachable, that they experience me as empathetic, and

00:04:32: that they feel seen and heard.

00:04:34: That matters.

00:04:36: They're choosing a person they feel comfortable talking to, as well as

00:04:40: someone with the experience to help them.

00:04:43: There is something about having someone there who smiles at you, who's

00:04:47: interested in what you're saying, and with whom you feel a bit more at ease.

00:04:52: I think that warmth is easy to underestimate when we talk

00:04:55: about professional competence.

00:04:58: We tend to focus on qualifications, knowledge, or methods because

00:05:03: those are easier to describe.

00:05:05: Being warm doesn't replace knowing what you're doing, but knowing what you're

00:05:10: doing also doesn't automatically mean that another person will feel comfortable

00:05:15: enough to tell you what's really going on.

00:05:18: In my work, both matter.

00:05:20: And feeling seen doesn't mean I agree with everything someone says.

00:05:25: Part of what people get from working with me is that I encourage them to

00:05:29: think further, and I don't always let go when we reach the first answer.

00:05:34: If something doesn't quite fit, I might come back to it.

00:05:38: I can bring in an observation from outside their own thinking, and we can

00:05:43: explore whether there is something there.

00:05:46: AI can ask you follow-up questions as well, so I wouldn't base the value

00:05:51: of coaching on the idea that only a human can ask a good question.

00:05:55: What matters to me is how the conversation develops with this particular person,

00:06:01: including how they respond to what I say and whether we need to change direction.

00:06:07: Some of my clients have told me that they already discussed an issue with

00:06:10: AI before bringing it to me, and that our conversation was very different.

00:06:15: I find that interesting.

00:06:17: It doesn't tell us what every client will want in the future, but it does

00:06:22: tell me that for these people, the two experiences weren't interchangeable

00:06:27: I see another part of this very clearly in the dog school when

00:06:31: I'm working with the owners.

00:06:32: Sometimes people are so worked up that they struggle to

00:06:35: put anything into practice.

00:06:37: They may have understood the explanation perfectly well before,

00:06:41: but now they are there with their dog, things are happening, and they

00:06:45: can't manage to do what they intended.

00:06:48: In that moment, giving them more information may not help very much.

00:06:52: They need someone beside them who can see what's happening and guide them

00:06:57: through the next step at the right time.

00:06:59: Someone who can slow things down, give one instruction they can

00:07:04: actually use, and notice whether they're ready for the next one.

00:07:10: How I am with them matters as well.

00:07:13: If I become impatient or start rushing, I may add to their pressure.

00:07:17: If I can stay calm and give them time, that can help them

00:07:21: settle enough to try again.

00:07:23: This is part of what I mean when I talk about co-regulation, how we

00:07:28: affect each other while we're together.

00:07:31: And good thing is, I've been practicing that for years with the Trust Technique

00:07:37: It includes what we say, but also our tone, our pace, and how we

00:07:42: respond to what is happening.

00:07:44: So I can be very excited and use a very fast, pace in my voice, or I can

00:07:50: really use a very low voice, slow them down, and make sure they feel at ease.

00:07:59: And of course, I'm adjusting that to the state they're in because

00:08:03: if I'm going too low and they're too high, there is too much of a

00:08:06: discrepancy, and we never come together.

00:08:09: So it's a matter of really attuning to each other.

00:08:14: And I think this is why it's so important to actually have someone beside you and

00:08:20: someone who also understands these things.

00:08:24: So it doesn't mean that my being calm automatically makes the other person calm

00:08:34: I still have to pay attention to the person in front of me.

00:08:38: And I do need to tune in, I do need to really listen, to listen

00:08:43: what's said behind the words, in between the lines, as we say.

00:08:48: And so at the moment, I can't imagine the AI tools I use doing that work beside

00:08:55: an anxious dog owner in the same way.

00:08:58: They can help explain an exercise or prepare someone for a situation, but when

00:09:03: I look at what the person needs while the situation is unfolding, there is much more

00:09:08: involved than access to an explanation.

00:09:11: Which brings me back to my own use of AI, because it has changed parts

00:09:15: of my work quite a lot, just not so far the coaching conversation itself.

00:09:21: With this podcast, for example, I use AI as a sparring partner.

00:09:25: I can bring an idea, discuss possible directions, and

00:09:28: get help with the structure.

00:09:30: Sometimes it helps with finding topics, and I also use it to suggest newsletter

00:09:35: drafts, much as I might previously have asked an assistant to help me.

00:09:39: I still have to decide what I wanna say.

00:09:41: I need to notice when a suggestion doesn't fit my experience, when

00:09:46: something is too simplistic, or when the wording doesn't sound like me.

00:09:50: A text can be very well-written and still miss what I was trying to get across.

00:09:55: So I need to stay involved and keep the bigger picture in mind.

00:10:00: That's something I want to keep strengthening.

00:10:03: Using AI thoughtfully, staying up to date, and continuing to bring my own

00:10:08: ideas and observations into the work.

00:10:11: I want its help, and I also want to be able to question what it gives me.

00:10:16: If you're thinking about your own work, it might help to start

00:10:19: with something quite specific.

00:10:22: Where are people already asking for less help?

00:10:24: What are you doing differently yourself?

00:10:27: And when someone does choose to work with you, what do they actually

00:10:31: appreciate about the experience?

00:10:34: Their answer might surprise you.

00:10:36: It may be your expertise, but it may also be that you understand their

00:10:40: situation, that you notice something they have missed or that they can ask you a

00:10:45: question without feeling embarrassed.

00:10:48: It may be the way you help them use what they already know

00:10:51: when things become difficult.

00:10:54: Or it may also be that you're saying something, yeah, contradictory to

00:11:01: them, which an AI usually doesn't do.

00:11:04: None of that is a guarantee that our work will stay the same.

00:11:08: We may need to learn something new or rethink parts of what we offer,

00:11:14: but I think we can look honestly at those changes without making

00:11:18: every change in demand a judgment about our worth as a person.

00:11:23: I can appreciate the help I get from AI and still value what happens

00:11:27: when I work with another person.

00:11:29: And if my own habits are already changing, it's worth paying attention to

00:11:35: what other people may be changing, too.

00:11:38: So perhaps that's a question to take with you this week.

00:11:42: When people come to you for help, what do they want from you?

00:11:49: Is this something that they might get from AI going forward, or are you delivering

00:11:57: added value that no AI could ever deliver?

00:12:02: Some food for thought for this week.

00:12:05: Have a wonderful week, and bye for now.

00:12:08: This was Lead Well!

00:12:10: Now what is the one thing that you're taking away from this episode?

00:12:14: Please share in the comments below and do share the podcast with your friends

00:12:17: and family, but only if you like it.