Do I Want This, or Am I Afraid of Missing Out?

00:00:00: A friend recently told me she had started studying psychology.

00:00:04: And my reaction, I immediately started looking for a degree program myself!

00:00:10: I was already learning about psychology all the time in different courses through books but suddenly that didn't seem quite enough anymore.

00:00:21: Hi and welcome to Lead.

00:00:23: Well Today i want talk this feeling we might be missing out.

00:00:33: Someone tells us about something they're doing and suddenly we think, oh maybe I should do that too.

00:00:40: And sometimes you are perfectly happy before their conversation!

00:00:45: I know this very well.

00:00:47: if someone tells me about an interesting training program i would quite happily sign up.

00:00:54: If someone mentions a book...I'm already about to buy it.

00:00:59: I love learning, and i like understanding things.

00:01:02: And i like knowing enough about a subject to be able to join the conversation!

00:01:07: But sometimes there is something else going on as well... ...and i want to share an example with you.

00:01:12: A friend of mine recently started studying psychology.. ..and almost immediately i began looking for postgraduate programs.

00:01:21: What could i do?

00:01:22: what would the requirements be?

00:01:24: where could i enroll?

00:01:26: Now, psychology is something I'm learning about all the time anyway.

00:01:48: that enrollment had already closed, which was probably quite fortunate because it meant I couldn't immediately do anything about it.

00:02:18: That interest had been there before my friend told me about her studies, but somehow in that moment I almost forgot.

00:02:27: And this is the training i'm doing now by the way!

00:02:42: And I find that interesting, because when i was looking at those programs it felt like my own idea.

00:02:48: Nobody was telling me to enroll!

00:02:50: My friend certainly wasn't telling me that I should and yet her decision had created this feeling in me That perhaps...I was missing something.

00:03:01: Recently a client brought up the idea of FOMO The fear of missing out on one our conversations.

00:03:09: She has a young son, and she feels that she's in the bit of dead end professionally.

00:03:16: She would like more time for herself but then she worries about her sons' development.

00:03:22: And as we talked to describe this difference between what she felt and was thinking part of here is actually quite content with how things were But Her head kept telling her that should be doing more moving forward achieving something as she had been doing in the past.

00:03:40: She recognized this idea that she had learned somewhere along the way, that recognition depends on

00:03:47: achievement.".

00:03:49: Now her situation is different from mine!

00:03:52: She wasn't telling me about someone whose life she wanted to copy...she had several things that mattered to her and she couldn't give all of them that she should be achieving more.

00:04:10: So I think it helps to look a little closer when we say, i'm afraid of missing out.

00:04:16: what exactly are we afraid of?

00:04:19: And where is the pressure coming from?

00:04:22: because wanting time for yourself doesn't mean you don't want your child and being happy with parts in life means no reason to change anything.

00:04:35: There can be several things that are true at the same time, which is what makes these decisions difficult.

00:05:03: but we can also do something because we feel we have to.

00:05:08: Perhaps, we would feel guilty otherwise or we feel the need to achieve something to be good enough.

00:05:15: and The interesting part is that this pressure Can come from inside?

00:05:20: There doesn't have to be anybody telling us what to do anymore.

00:05:25: We have taken over That job ourselves.

00:05:29: It also doesn't mean that everything we choose freely will be enjoyable.

00:05:34: A training program can be hard work, and I still want to do it.

00:05:39: The question is whether I agree with the reasons i'm doing or whether feel pushed into it?

00:05:48: And that brings me back my friend!

00:05:58: In coaching, I often use a very simple comparison.

00:06:07: When you go to the supermarket there are thousands of things that you could buy but only take few of them home!

00:06:14: You know that you cannot buy everything and have certain amount money so much can be used.

00:06:22: So choose and leave most things where they're.

00:06:26: And usually it's fine – don't feel like you've missed out on anything left in your store.

00:06:32: When I say this to clients, there is often this little moment of oh yes actually that's true because with opportunities we often behave as if the fact that something is available means we should do something about it.

00:06:46: There is a course ,there is an event .There is a new tool that everyone seems to be using and suddenly it needs all our attention.

00:06:55: And then we look at social media where there is always someone doing something interesting.

00:07:01: One person is traveling, another is getting a qualification.

00:07:05: Someone else has started the new business and although I know these are different people i can still look at all of it and think what am I doing?

00:07:14: Everyone seems to be having all these experiences And I'm here doing the same things over and over again.

00:07:21: The supermarket keeps getting bigger but I still only have the same amount of time and money... ...and also place space in my stomach.

00:07:32: Some things really won't be there later, My client's son is growing up now.

00:07:38: We cannot put that on a list and come back to it in five years.

00:07:42: So I'm not saying that there is nothing to miss.

00:07:45: Sometimes There Is And That Can Be Painful But trying To Fit Everything In Doesn'T Solve That.

00:07:52: Either.

00:07:53: What i've noticed in Myself Is When Im Curious About Something I tend to picture myself doing it.

00:08:28: but it gives me a reason to stop for a moment and pay attention.

00:08:32: With the psychology degree, I could have asked myself whether i wanted the actual experience of studying including all the time and work involved or whether I was mainly attracted to having the qualification?

00:08:46: And there is something else that I've noticed feels more personal sometimes...I feel like this feeling isn't experiencing much anymore that other people are moving ahead and I'm somehow being left behind.

00:09:01: And because i love learning, another training program is very appealing.

00:09:06: but when I really think about what I'm missing sometimes it's contact with an animal a moment of closeness touch tenderness being together...and When I notice THAT!

00:09:19: ...I think well..that's quite different from needing another book.

00:09:24: I can enjoy learning and still need something else in my life.

00:09:30: And if i don't pay attention to that, I might keep adding things that are interesting without ever getting closer to what I'm actually longing

00:09:40: for.".

00:09:42: That is why I find it useful to listen to the inner voice!

00:09:53: whose words or expectations are recognized, and how it feels when I listen to them.

00:09:59: Sometimes its uninterested – oh!

00:10:02: i would love to try that… And sometimes you should be doing this other people aren't you?

00:10:12: I don't have immediately decided the voice is wrong but I'd like to notice they're there before letting me make a decision for myself.

00:10:22: I might discover that i really do want something, but don't have the time or money.

00:10:29: That happens especially when you're self-employed!

00:10:33: Time away from work may also mean not earning and there are things we simply cannot afford at a particular point in our lives.

00:10:42: In this situation...I like to look for alternatives.

00:10:46: Maybe there is free introduction into the subject.

00:10:50: maybe I can borrow instead of buying it.

00:10:53: Maybe I can spend five minutes a day on something rather than waiting until i have a whole afternoon available.

00:11:00: Five minutes won't give me professional qualification, but it might give the pleasure of learning or chance to find out whether want take further and sometimes helps think about what was hoping.

00:11:14: get from experience.

00:11:16: if part is meeting people with similar interest there may be another way do that Or I can part the wish for now and decide to look at it again in a few months.

00:11:29: Actually, put a date on my calendar so that i know i haven't forgotten about this but also don't have to keep making the same decision every day!

00:11:39: And yes sometimes i will still be disappointed.

00:11:43: Something could be good decisions which means i miss an experience i would enjoy.

00:11:48: So before we finish perhaps think of one thing you are currently drawn into something you've seen or heard about that you feel you might want to do.

00:11:59: And then ask yourself, what is it about this I want?

00:12:04: Can i picture myself actually doing it?

00:12:07: and What would I enjoy about that?

00:12:10: What does my inner voice say?

00:12:13: Is there interest ?

00:12:15: Is their pressure perhaps a bit of both?

00:12:19: Who's expectations do I recognize?

00:12:23: Why does it feel important to decide now?

00:12:26: Is there a real deadline?

00:12:27: and if there is, does that make this the right opportunity for me.

00:12:33: And If It Matters To Me but doesn't fit into my life at the moment... ...is There Another Way To Begin or A Time When I Could Come Back To It?

00:12:43: You don't need to turn This Into Big Exercise.

00:12:46: Sometimes just giving yourself a little time is enough to notice something you haven't considered For ME.

00:12:53: That time helped me remember that dog trainer training.

00:12:56: And when I think about how much value being with animals, i can see why that was something... ...I definitely wanted to come back too!

00:13:06: I'm still learning and developing.. ..I just don't have do it in exactly the same way as my friend.

00:13:13: Perhaps thats what want.

00:13:14: leave you today?

00:13:16: You cant be interested in whats someone else is doing without needing to do so And you can leave something in the store even if it's something that you like.

00:13:26: Have a wonderful week and I'll speak to you soon, bye for now!