Ep 139. Your Inner Voice Is a Recording, Not the Truth

00:00:00: For many years I watered the weeds like fear, anxiety self love.

00:00:08: I water and they have grown.

00:00:10: then i realized why am watering the weeds?

00:00:17: I can grow flowers & fruits also in my mental garden.

00:00:28: Today with me is Nasir Mohammed and Nasir Yaron author, a speaker.

00:00:35: And the coach who helps people transform their inner critic into an Inner Coach.

00:00:41: A few episodes ago I was talking about my inner voice which Actually, not so much an inner critic but in a broadcaster as I said at that point.

00:00:52: So i'm really curious to hear what your approach is there and you're drawing on?

00:00:57: Your own experiences because as the child he were suffering from epilepsy And also self doubt and negative self talk.

00:01:06: You now offer practical tools for building a more constructive inner voice and you are an author of book called The Silent Saboteur.

00:01:15: So welcome to the show, Nashir!

00:01:18: Thank you, Krishnanin.

00:01:20: Happy to be here And first of all thanks for creating this space To have a conversation.

00:01:28: Very happy to be Here.

00:01:30: Now let me start with question about your epilepsy because This is Condition that has a strong impact on life.

00:01:40: So how did that condition shape the way you saw yourself?

00:01:46: Yeah, it is very personal.

00:01:49: so let me collect some thoughts as I kid.

00:01:52: my brain used to play a trick on me without my permission.

00:01:59: It threw surprise parties and doctor's name is it has epilepsy.

00:02:04: And To diagnose this one Doctors gave pills.

00:02:08: while this led to let me brain fog and I was fighting a invisible war inside my mind outside.

00:02:18: And seems to be okay.

00:02:19: normal, i'm doing the studies but that epilepsy has left me with some experiences where My brain believed That I can be like this forever.

00:02:35: The negative experiences what I face.

00:02:37: so It started like that every day.

00:02:40: Like a negative news network, it's repeated inside my mind.

00:02:44: you are used to whisper in my mind You're broken.

00:02:50: You will be like this for the rest of your life.

00:02:52: and unconsciously I started telling stories To myself when he said you have broken?

00:02:59: I believed it.

00:03:01: When it is said we were not good enough i believe it and ice.

00:03:05: Stop exploring my potential and this reinforce belief that one I am going to be like this forever.

00:03:13: unconsciously This kind of words Built a prison, and I was becoming part of the story.

00:03:22: That is how epilepsy shape making it

00:03:24: okay?

00:03:26: And when did you notice for the first time that this Is not you Being not good enough for not having potential but there was a voice inside your head that told you, That You were Not Good Enough and did not have Potential.

00:03:43: When when Did that Realization Happen?

00:03:46: Yes it will happen.

00:03:47: for my the first corporate presentation My boss asked me to give Me The Presentation And I prepared For This One.

00:03:55: Even i Visualize How Im Going To share the presentation and on that day when I have to give the presentation, i take them a first slide.

00:04:04: my mind went blank.

00:04:05: And for your movement error four zero-four content not found.

00:04:10: screen appeared in my mind and a wise wish word In My Mind you are Not Good Enough and I believed That one and I could not speak A single Word and my hands Flipped like a broken.

00:04:26: On that day something realization happened, I realized the voice inside my head was a past recording.

00:04:36: It wasn't real!

00:04:37: I realize i have the barrored confidence by reading the self-made books and doing some practice.

00:04:46: I slowly started understanding about inner dialogue.

00:04:51: Is it helping me or putting down?

00:04:56: That is the moment I realize what's happening.

00:05:03: And that it was not really helpful.

00:05:05: now, but i think a lot of people have this inner voice and this inner critic... ...and always believe that our bodies-our minds try to protect us.

00:05:18: So from your perspective What do you think?

00:05:21: This inner critic Was trying To Protect You From.

00:05:24: Yes as per my understanding bread Is Designed In Such A Way That One.

00:05:28: Okay It's first job is to protect us.

00:05:32: Okay, so when something happens the first thing needs to survival.

00:05:37: So that is a reason it right to protect as When the inner voice tells something its best job is To make you in the comfort zone if not to Make You happy.

00:05:48: it makes me in the Comfort Zone.

00:05:50: But I took a very long time to understand What's happening inside my head and i believe Whatever the brain is telling my mind.

00:06:01: It's really I thought it has that reality and also, I thought he is my identity.

00:06:08: Slowly, I realized it was a past story And if should not be there stop the story my story.

00:06:14: so most of them inner critic Tries to hold you back?

00:06:21: He tells you once you Don't write what somebody else may think but they're.

00:06:29: I found a tool pause with the pause.

00:06:34: I Got it small space in that space.

00:06:39: I have a choice to choose and I started looking the inner wise differently.

00:06:45: Does it helping me or holding me back?

00:06:49: That is how I realized

00:06:50: now sometimes, It's also good to have some inner criticism or someone that is trying to make us become a better person, or to reflect on things.

00:07:05: So where can we see the distinction between self-criticism?

00:07:09: That it's not helpful and useful reflection...that IS helpful!

00:07:13: so how can we make that distinction?

00:07:16: What I understood through my journey was inner voice is NOT our enemy when inner voice tells something.

00:07:24: So I found a simple tool to distinguish.

00:07:28: Actually many people ask me this question How do you distinguish between the inner critic and inner coach?

00:07:34: so when something happens Suppose if the inner wise says You are broken.

00:07:41: You're not good enough.

00:07:42: It is a sabotaging view, it's an Inner Critic.

00:07:45: If it tells Mistake happen You have to practice little bit.

00:07:53: So it is working as a inner coach.

00:07:56: so with this small difference we can identify, okay?

00:07:59: Inner critic always tells about the you are broken You're not good enough.

00:08:05: It Is Not Trying to Help You.

00:08:07: They're trying To Put Make You Small Whereas An Inner Coach Identifies Your Mistakes and Guides You.

00:08:17: Mistakes Happen Prepare Little Bit You Can Do.

00:08:20: So This Works As A Coach.

00:08:22: So, it is always good to have both.

00:08:25: But we have the response...to choose.

00:08:30: I can't control first thought and i cant control the first emotion

00:08:35: but..i

00:08:36: can chose a response.

00:08:37: how i want be for most of my life.

00:08:41: listen to inner voice as this.

00:08:43: why?

00:08:43: because i believe its truth but slowly realize It is just a recording.

00:08:50: I think you also realized that you have an impact on your inner voice, You can change it?

00:08:57: Yes absolutely we... it was inner voices not born along with us..it was built over the experiences and the environment And with whom were grown up Maybe in school somebody friends saying something or society.

00:09:16: if some mistakes happen Somebody has told So.

00:09:19: it is the inner voices collection of all experiences which are stored in our brain.

00:09:25: They're repeated every time, so they can be rebuilt also.

00:09:31: that's what I realized and started working on rebuilding the inner

00:09:34: voice.

00:09:36: If you have a very negative person or client who has been believing their voice for long time A lot people like me know Believe the kind of voice.

00:09:49: They really question this inner coach, so what do you recommend in that case?

00:09:56: How can we start believing?

00:09:58: What is inner coaches telling us?

00:10:01: Yeah The first thing I would do Is First of all it's just observe Observe what inner was trying to tell You.

00:10:13: So instead of Directly accepting instead of taking the action.

00:10:19: Just it's a self-awareness is the first step Trying to understand what it is really.

00:10:25: I gave my inner voice a name for man.

00:10:29: It was like chilling every time.

00:10:32: don't do so, it was calling you every time.

00:10:36: Okay You are not enough.

00:10:38: So by giving your name we can notice when he noticed something they can choose their response.

00:10:44: So, it all starts with the self-awareness.

00:10:48: Through the self awareness we can monitor and then try to understand where you take a pause when taking deep breath.

00:10:57: Then We Can Understand What It Is Trying To Tell You Earlier.

00:11:02: I used to react whatever inner voice tells.

00:11:06: When something triggers i use to take action.

00:11:15: So there is a small space between when something happens and what action will take.

00:11:22: In that space only the freedom is there, so that's how I started.

00:11:27: First of all we should not make it in simple way.

00:11:31: first of all self-awareness and observe what inner voice is telling And either its helping you or holding your breath.

00:11:41: then we can take this action.

00:11:42: What

00:11:43: if i don't believe?

00:11:45: Yeah, but what if I don't believe?

00:11:48: What the positive voice is telling me?

00:11:50: because i know so many people are So used to criticizing themselves and they even believed that Criticizing themselves has made them successful, for example.

00:12:02: So what if they do not even believe this inner kind of voice?

00:12:06: This inner coach is telling them... What would you recommend there or suggest that he does?

00:12:11: Yeah!

00:12:13: It happens with me also many times.

00:12:16: I put a lot of hard work and achieved something.

00:12:20: Then Innerwise tells us to achieve it by just luck because we are not doing the hard work.

00:12:28: so always Innerwise It's a sneak into me and tells it always tries to put me down.

00:12:35: But here through the consciousness, consciously we have to choose most of the times will unconsciously do that things.

00:12:44: when you do those things unconsciously then way out to listen too what he is telling.

00:12:49: but the consciousness that helps us to distinguish between them What is actually happening?

00:12:57: And easy just recording Past experience or it's happening in the reality.

00:13:04: So that is a reason I shared one simple tool.

00:13:07: suppose if you are preparing for some presentation Suppose, If It tells okay You're not good enough instead of just accepting That One i have to challenge Really?

00:13:22: I am done that necessary preparation For The Presentation Or Is There Anything Left so we can Take it Constructively also?

00:13:29: Okay Now, what is a practical exercise that listeners can try in addition to what you just explained around presentations?

00:13:39: What are some things they could do to help strengthen their inner coach.

00:13:47: Yes!

00:13:48: To start this one I use the three-step thing.

00:13:53: The first step is to stop when inner voice is saying something Instead of doing taking some action.

00:14:03: The first thing is to stop and then second step take a deep breath.

00:14:09: most of the times we unconsciously Take the actions.

00:14:13: when something happens figures in the action, I'm not touched a piece too.

00:14:18: choose the response And before choosing that response challenge it what he's trying to tell.

00:14:24: so i would like To share with us simple example light in your forest.

00:14:29: There are two ways.

00:14:30: one way we use regularly so which becomes the highway and The other way, which you don't lose it.

00:14:38: It comes with a full-of grass Okay?

00:14:42: It depends upon that Which Way We Are Using Everyday okay?

00:14:47: So similarly is the neuroplasticity also tells the same thing.

00:14:51: it Is Also Replacing the Old Habits With the New habits.

00:14:55: for most of my life I believe My inner wise as my habit, identity.

00:15:03: So with the consciousness we have to choose.

00:15:07: and I realize one more thing our mind is like a garden.

00:15:11: for many years i watered the weeds like fear anxiety self-doubt.

00:15:20: I watered And they have grown.

00:15:22: then I realized why am watering the weeds?

00:15:30: flowers and fruits also in my mental garden.

00:15:34: Then I started choosing.

00:15:37: that is how then this I took the small actions, small steps to build a self trust.

00:15:46: so through the series of small actions i built a self-trust And started working on myself .I saw some change

00:15:57: And I love this idea.

00:15:59: I can water weeds and i can water flowers, it's the same activity that is required from my perspective.

00:16:06: so we are responsible for what we water.

00:16:09: you're saying?

00:16:10: Exactly!

00:16:11: Consciously

00:16:13: we have to choose Now... What happened today?

00:16:18: has this inner critic gone forever for you or is it still active?

00:16:24: and as described, you stop take a breath and reflect on it.

00:16:29: So what's your inner voice sounding right now?

00:16:49: in reality that is not going to happen.

00:16:52: Still today also every day inner critic comes into me, it sneaks into my mind and also it whispers in my mind.

00:17:02: And this morning I was saying you are not good enough for the podcast with the Christian but...I will say thank-you to that one!

00:17:12: And i choose a response with right intention.

00:17:16: Like I told you my first presentation, i listened to my inner critique when it is say your broken.

00:17:23: I did not sing spell a single word.

00:17:25: but today what will do?

00:17:27: When something it tells You are Not good enough.

00:17:30: I said thank you for that one and then I chose the response.

00:17:34: That Is The difference.

00:17:35: What I understood is till our last breath the inner voice Will be there with us.

00:17:42: It always remains as And it is just a recording.

00:17:47: It is not a truth.

00:17:48: And there are certain things we consciously have to choose with the self-awareness and accept, then take

00:17:57: actions.

00:17:58: I hope

00:17:58: i try to share my experience about today.

00:18:01: Wow!

00:18:02: That's great...and I love this idea because you're saying that tools which can be really simple like stop or breathe and think of what we just heard in our inner voice.

00:18:14: That's very straightforward.

00:18:16: So as a last thought, what should our listeners pay attention to this week?

00:18:22: As the first step I would like to share even simple steps anyone can implement from right now instead of taking some actions.

00:18:30: Why?

00:18:31: because that change will not come in a single movement.

00:18:35: There is.

00:18:36: there'll be no dramatic changes.

00:18:40: It everything.

00:18:43: every change happens through the series of actions.

00:18:46: So as a first step start monitoring about your voice what it is trying to tell from the morning when you wake up till that time, You go to the bed just monitor and What?

00:19:00: Is telling in your wise I know what you're doing.

00:19:04: so First of all observe like this for the couple of days then put on paper Does it helping you or holding your back?

00:19:15: Then, You can use the tools.

00:19:17: What I told just now through these small actions... ...you have control over life and water flowers instead of watering weeds.

00:19:30: That's a wonderful finish line for our podcast.

00:19:34: Thank you so much, Nashir for sharing your insights with us and for revealing the story of real life that has started some complication as a child.

00:19:46: And it's now evolved to be an author or speaker coached by many people who have different way of listening to their voice and not paying attention.